It has now been a little over seven months since my last post. There has been many days that I have wanted to sit at the computer, collect my thoughts and write, but I have been trying to get my head around becoming a mother. Yes, my husband and I are having a baby BOY due July 31st.
This has been something I have wanted for the longest time, with the man that I have loved for the longest time. Before meeting my husband (we met when I was 16) and before the thought of children I had a “plan” where I said I would be married at 26 (June 14, 2014) and have a child by 28 and surprisingly I turn 28 in August. We all know how plans work out, but shockingly God agreed with my plan and believed it was right. It has shown me that dreams do come true. However, it has not been all lavender and growing bellies; it has been emotional.
I have learned that crying tears and throwing up often come together, and that farting is a new part of the morning routine. I have learned that you always worry when you sneeze or cough, because you never know if your bladder will leak or if you will get lucky and all liquids stay in place. I have learned that hemorrhoids and your poop routine become the least of your worries, because you only care that your baby is safe. I have grown to accept these things and know that with all the unique and interesting pains and ailments, I am growing a miracle inside of me.
Nonetheless, physical pain is not the only aching that you begin to experience during the time you find out you are pregnant. During this seven month journey I have begun experiencing extreme emotional aching. Some of the aches have been minor, but a lot of the aches have helped me endure who I am as a person and who I want to become as a mother.
I have worried about how I will be as a mother. Will I be crazy, psychotic, horrible, misunderstanding, judgmental or will I be wonderful? I wonder, because I have had the opportunity to be raised by the most caring, fun loving and crazy mother in this entire world. She has loved me and each of my siblings unconditionally. She has always gone above and beyond, showed us the meaning of true love, taught us respect and allowed us to experience life. I hope that I can be a fraction of the mother that she has been to my siblings and I.
All of these thoughts have been running through my head and more, but I know that fear is a common emotion as a mother. I know that it wont stop for the next many years as he grows into a toddler, young child, young adult and adult. However, I must console in my partner and find strength through my beliefs and I hope the same for all of you growing mothers.
Growing Mother, Reporting to Duty.