Becoming a mom has been the most wonderful role I have ever had thus far in my life. However, it has taken some time to fully understand this new life. It has been an adjustment and it wasn’t easy understanding who I am as a mom.
Honestly, the first few months are a blur. I do feel every mommy, in the first couple months, walks around like a zombie hoping to keep their child alive. When it does hit you that you are now a mom, discovering what type of mom you will be is not easy.
Will you breastfeed, will you be a co-sleeper, will you feed them formula, will you try to be a natural momma, will you b-feed in public, will the baby sleep in their crib from the beginning?…..ETC, ETC, ETC. Well let me tell you all those “Plans” seem funny now, because from the day you bring the baby home HE/SHE makes the plans. Your only plan should be to give them everything they need that will make them feel safe, comfortable and develop properly.
Many times the discovery and the rat race is self-defeating. It includes a lot of tears and a good amount of emotional fluctuation which feels like depression(in some cases becomes depression). Sometimes it feels very weird. In example: I am happy I have a baby whom I love to pieces but I feel sad.
First, you have to get used to you body… For me it was this 6″ scar on my lower belly that hurt like hell as I was trying to cope with mother hood. Then you have to wear “normal” clothes when you do leave the house, which is rare but occurs. If you are breastfeeding the tops have to be breastfeeding friendly, which who are we kidding…this was not something we thought about before we were pregnant while shopping.
Then maternity clothes are too big and your “normal” clothes don’t fit right. Oh the dilemma. Then when you think your body is getting closer to “normal” and you are cleared to work out (hopefully you have time or the energy), your hair starts falling out and it is EVERYWHERE. All of these things are very normal parts of post-partum.
In my situation it was all of these things plus trying to figure out Theodore’s health. Many times it was drowning and depressing. I discovered I made no time for myself and began to feel lost. This is when I knew something needed to change.
I learned that sometimes I needed to leave the house or have moments of self meditation. During these times I would get a spray tan, or simply go to the store by myself, take a long walk, have a glass of wine or a bath…WITHOUT the baby in the room. Doing this or wanting alone time does not mean you a bad mom, it just means you are among many women that have to re-evaluate who they are as a mom/person.
When I began doing these things and came to realization with my emotions and self-guilt, I realized I had changed. A lot of who I am still remains, but a good deal of me is different. I still yearn for a lot of the same things I did before, but somethings I would have worried about before mean nothing to me now.
The mom transformation is real and it can be daunting. It involves a lot of self-discovery and sometimes new mommies can’t do it on their own. In this case they get lost in post-partum depression, which is NO joke. If not treated it can lead to a very unhealthy lifestyle and perspective. In this case you need to seek help from a therapist or a professional.
Please don’t feel like you have LOST if you have to get help. Their is no shame in finding yourself and getting help to become a better mommy. Report to duty, for yourself.
I wish all you new mommies the best of luck.