Thankful for those TINY little things! 

In all of our lives things become OVERWHELMING.

Sometimes we are going too fast, working too hard and concentrating on things too long to see what makes things go, work and turn.

I am definitely one of these people. 

I am constantly focusing on the BIG goals and the BIG steps we have taken to get where we all need and want to be in our lives. 

I forget about the TINY little things.

However, this year on Thanksgiving I am trying to remember all the TINY little things and BIG things we should be thankful for this year. 

1. I am thankful for our two beautiful boys. A year ago we only had one and now we have two. Each very individual of each other, but equally special. Theodore is spunky, loving, strong headed, courageous and unpredictable. Oliver is brave, predictable, loving, he already idealizes his big brother and we continue to learn more everyday. I am thankful God chose us to be their parents. 

2. I am thankful for my husband. This last year has been interesting to say the least  and I am glad that I get to have him as my partner. He was especially strong and supportive while Theodore and I lived in Indiana as we figured out/researched Theodore’s health. During this time I had our family near but he was all by himself and remained our strength. I am thankful for him everyday, even when I don’t show or say how I feel.

3. I am thankful for my family. They have been so supportive and helpful. I don’t take much time off from fighting or being a mommy but if and when I do they have been there to help (sometimes they even force me to take breaks). Each one of them celebrates our wins and encourages through the losses. I am thankful for each of them and their uniqueness. My family is like no other! 

4. I am thankful for the doctors that believed me, faught for us and broke boundaries to find Theodore’s rare chromosome deletion. We never wanted something wrong with our child, but  we knew something wasn’t right. I am glad they took the time to figure out the cause.  I continue to be thankful for their input and support with not only Theodore but Oliver. Not all doctors are equal and when you find those that REALLY care, you found a rare gem. In that, I am thankful for our team of docotors!

5. I am thankful for our Journey. I have not been happy, thrilled or joyous everyday of our Journey. I have learned how strong I can be and how hard I can push. I have seen and been amazed with the strength that has come from such hard and low moments. I am thankful for those we have met and all we have learned.

6. I am thankful for our friends. Those that have been in this with us have been patient and understanding of our inability to be present both physically and mentally (LOL). They have checked in and sent many many prayers and I am thankful for each one of them and their individual qualities. 

 I am thankful for a great deal. I hope I am able to see the beauty in everyday and I know that I will have days where I continue to struggle with seeing the positive. 

Nonetheless, I want to Report to Duty in taking time today, and try every other day to be thankful for those things that we take for granted. Some of these things we may even find silly to say aloud, but I sure am thankful them. 

Here is just a small list…..our home, our dogs, our nieces 👯, my shoes 👠, food on our table, shelter, our dogs 🐶, my comfy bed, transportation 🚤✈️🚂🚲🚙, support, feeling loved, being an American 🇺🇸, being a women, comfy slippers, wine, love, kindness, freedom, coffee ☕️, a nice handbag 👜, lip stains, vacations, medical breakthroughs, and much much more…

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and please take time to be thankful for the small tiny tiny things. 

If we can’t be thankful for the small things then maybe we will never be appreciative of the bigger things!! 

Until Next Time,

Reporting to Duty

Xox

Titles, Pain and Special Needs

Recently we were discussing Theodore with our team of doctors and they brought up the TITLE …..SPECIAL NEEDS.

I shook my head, complied, and we all continued discussing the matter at hand.

BUT….

Nonetheless, internally, my heart shook, I was emotionally solemn, wrecked and devastated.

Although, I knew this was a topic long time coming ( because of logistics) and I agreed on many levels… I knew I needed to face the TITLE.

Titles have been scary for me, not because we have endured a great deal of pain with Theodore and related it to this particular title…

But the fear developed from….

Other People’s JUDGEMENT!!!

……….

Over SIX months ago we were midst… KNEE DEEP in the Journey of figuring out THEODORE.

We had just just discovered how wonderful and rare he was( although we already knew how special). However, when we discovered the diagnosis we all knew there was still a great deal of digging and discovering that we had yet to do.

As you all know in the midst of this I began writing my blog, it became yet another distraction in recognizing the TITLE of our son.

I knew when I started we all could be objectified to judgement, as it was something I talked about in one of my very first blogs about our situation.

However, I never knew something directed towards my son could hurt me so bad.

……….

During this time we were in Indiana, as many of you know, working with a team of Docotors.

Feeling crazy and ready for a distraction I went where every fashionista goes….TJ Maxx for some pointless strolling and shopping. Also, I needed a new swimsuit for the growing baby bump.

Now the TJ Max isn’t just in any town, it is in my home town. A place where most people know everybody’s business, cousin, uncle brother’s sister…. ya know a “Peyton place”…

You think these places only exists in an old country song or a Kasey Mushraves album.
Do not be fooled, these types of towns do exist. YES, in real life.

In this town you can either be someone’s best friend or someone’s enemy. Ya just sometimes never know what you are, because sometimes they don’t even know.

BUT, in this same very type of town you have the good ones, the real good ones that will fight, support and stick up for you even when you don’t live in that town anymore… and those are some rare gems.

So… basically everybody knows everybody and everybody wants to know everything about everybody’s business. Can be bad and can be good just depends on the situation.

But it also can be hurtful.

……….

Now…. back to Theodore and I’s shopping trip.

While shopping at this particular TJ Max, I recognized one of those people that I was acquainted with growing up. I spoke and smiled thinking the same would occur in return…. IT DID NOT!!

Which it was fine until it wasn’t .

Both of us just happened to be looking through the women’s swimsuits, their child kept wanting to play and touch Theodore. I didn’t mind because Theodore LOVES people and other children….

BUT this other adult did not like this and kept scrambling through the area.

THEN this child tried to TOUCH Theodore (which wasn’t going to bother me, who wouldn’t want to show him some love)…

and this particular person called him SICK….

She told her young child Theodore was SICK…

IT WRECKED MY WORLD!

NO…I didn’t get my boxing gloves out.

I just tried to calmly correct and explain to her that he is/was not SICK (now if you would have met him in his first two months of life, then I would have agreed, but NOW he gets sick like a traditional child… only a little sooner, and faster because of his low tone).

BUT she ran to the checkout….and wouldn’t LISTEN.

She didn’t even have the kindness to apologize or ask REAL questions.

She just threw her judgement out and RAN.

……….

THIS, THIS very instance is why I never think about “Titles”for Theodore. Yes he has a rare chromosome deletion, but I never think too much further…

Because it hurts and truthfully I become extremely emotional.

Yes, I let this person from my home town who claims to be a Christian, owns a company selling Christian based apparel, and speaks about kindness and religion…. affect my life.

I let this person who claims to be a servent of God, judge the child God gave us?

BUT, not anymore!!!!!!! NO SIR…

Theodore is NOT SICK!!!

I am a BILLION percent sure you or your children won’t CATCH his chromosome deletion.

……….

I have come to terms with the TITLE.

YES he is SPECIAL NEEDS and to me this means he needs MORE LOVE!!

It means that we DO NOT want negative people in his life, And we won’t have it!!

It means our lives sometimes will be extra hard, but it also means Theodore will have a great deal of people in his life that truely LOVE him.

He will have a whole army and if this is what SPECIAL NEEDS means then we are ok with it!

We didn’t pray for our child to have special needs but we do pray he is LOVED. Loved a great deal and this is already being accomplished by his team, army, and support group!

I refuse to let this situation bother how I feel about the title, SPECIAL NEEDS .

Like my sister said, and I could not have said it any better…”This meanness just makes us fight harder and burns our fire bigger. Theodore is special and we have always known this and it is not up to other people to judge”.

God knew what he was doing when he gave us Theodore.

We wouldn’t give him back or change him, because he is OUR SPECIAL CHILD.

Theodore will move mountains.

I will, Report to Duty, in fighting for Theodore and standing up for his SPECIAL NEEDS. I will accept this title, and never deny him of it again and show him the pride in these very words. I will fight his battles and teach him strength and courage to fight his own. I will ensure this title doesn’t cause him pain!!

Until Next Time,

Reporting to Duty

Xox

Following MY Journey.

Last week my husband, Keith asked me, when the last time I wrote on my blog.

I knew I had been neglecting it and I tried giving a valid excuse, but the wonderful man ( sitting across from me in the hospital) wasn’t going to take an excuse.

Sadly and honestly I don’t remember the last time I posted a blog. I do know that I have several drafts and a few titles, but no posts.

In my mind I am stressed out, LOST,  over worked, being a terrible adult and severely OVER multitasking. In reality, I am making excuses and feeling sorry for myself.

Sooo…… I need to get over myself!

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind.

*Adapting to Oliver and working his schedule into ours

*Learning what is best for Oliver

*My healing( after c-section)

*Theodore’s therapy

*Learning how to parent two children

*Taking a road trip to Indiana for Theodore’s schlew of appointments

*Learning about more interventions/procedures needed for Theodore  ( eye surgery, new glasses bc new prescription, hearing aids bc failed hearing in left ear, ENT bc breathing issues while sleeping… I will update in another blog)

*Keith getting put in the hospital during his short visit to Indiana interrupting my crazy plans (diverticulitis and an abscess in the colon) -Exhibit A -I should ease up on the planning.

All of this feels like a lot and sometimes I feel extremely overwhelmed, LOST , mad, sad and tired.

BUT…..I have to keep telling myself we can get through this journey, I can handle my part of the job…..

but ….DAMN IT, sometimes it is freaking hard.

I have come to realize I cry less than I used to and I pray more. I pray so much more. I pray when I am showering, walking out of the hospital, before I go to bed, grocery shopping, when I am driving and even when I occasionally drink a glass of wine.

I need to know that there is something bigger better and in more control than I am. I need to know that God is only giving me what I can handle and that Keith and I can conquer each of our challenges together.

Now I am NOT trying to get you on a God bandwagon and it really isn’t something I “preach” about, bc ya know I don’t care who your God is and I am not judging.

BUT I am sharing because I need God!

I still cuss, yell and drink (ya know we believe water was turned to wine by BIG J himself so it’s appropriate)  so I am NOT claiming to be all holly and perfect but I NEED the man! I NEED to know he listens even when I feel lost.

I NEED to stop feeling lost and out of control!

I know in my life I have said I need many things; including Starbucks and a new pair of shoes, but I truly know those are not real needs. I am just being over dramatic and probably should get over myself. But hey it wouldn’t be me without those quarks!!

I know in order to stop feeling lost I need to stop saying what if, over planning and let life happen. I NEED to trust in the plan created for me!

If you know me well those three things are VERY hard! But that truly does NEED to happen. I understand I will occasionally feel lost in my life but I know I will NEED to regroup and understand life happens! You all need to pray I can let go….GROUP WORK!!!

I will TRY to Report to Duty, everyday, in effort of letting go and following the journey. MY Journey. I will try to guide myself with the enjoyment of the unknown and refuse to get lost.

Until Next Time,

Reporting to Duty

Xox