Last week my husband, Keith asked me, when the last time I wrote on my blog.
I knew I had been neglecting it and I tried giving a valid excuse, but the wonderful man ( sitting across from me in the hospital) wasn’t going to take an excuse.
Sadly and honestly I don’t remember the last time I posted a blog. I do know that I have several drafts and a few titles, but no posts.
In my mind I am stressed out, LOST, over worked, being a terrible adult and severely OVER multitasking. In reality, I am making excuses and feeling sorry for myself.
Sooo…… I need to get over myself!
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind.
*Adapting to Oliver and working his schedule into ours
*Learning what is best for Oliver
*My healing( after c-section)
*Learning how to parent two children
*Taking a road trip to Indiana for Theodore’s schlew of appointments
*Learning about more interventions/procedures needed for Theodore ( eye surgery, new glasses bc new prescription, hearing aids bc failed hearing in left ear, ENT bc breathing issues while sleeping… I will update in another blog)
*Keith getting put in the hospital during his short visit to Indiana interrupting my crazy plans (diverticulitis and an abscess in the colon) -Exhibit A -I should ease up on the planning.
All of this feels like a lot and sometimes I feel extremely overwhelmed, LOST , mad, sad and tired.
BUT…..I have to keep telling myself we can get through this journey, I can handle my part of the job…..
but ….DAMN IT, sometimes it is freaking hard.
I have come to realize I cry less than I used to and I pray more. I pray so much more. I pray when I am showering, walking out of the hospital, before I go to bed, grocery shopping, when I am driving and even when I occasionally drink a glass of wine.
I need to know that there is something bigger better and in more control than I am. I need to know that God is only giving me what I can handle and that Keith and I can conquer each of our challenges together.
Now I am NOT trying to get you on a God bandwagon and it really isn’t something I “preach” about, bc ya know I don’t care who your God is and I am not judging.
BUT I am sharing because I need God!
I still cuss, yell and drink (ya know we believe water was turned to wine by BIG J himself so it’s appropriate) so I am NOT claiming to be all holly and perfect but I NEED the man! I NEED to know he listens even when I feel lost.
I NEED to stop feeling lost and out of control!
I know in my life I have said I need many things; including Starbucks and a new pair of shoes, but I truly know those are not real needs. I am just being over dramatic and probably should get over myself. But hey it wouldn’t be me without those quarks!!
I know in order to stop feeling lost I need to stop saying what if, over planning and let life happen. I NEED to trust in the plan created for me!
If you know me well those three things are VERY hard! But that truly does NEED to happen. I understand I will occasionally feel lost in my life but I know I will NEED to regroup and understand life happens! You all need to pray I can let go….GROUP WORK!!!
I will TRY to Report to Duty, everyday, in effort of letting go and following the journey. MY Journey. I will try to guide myself with the enjoyment of the unknown and refuse to get lost.
Until Next Time,
Reporting to Duty