Recently we were discussing Theodore with our team of doctors and they brought up the TITLE …..SPECIAL NEEDS.
I shook my head, complied, and we all continued discussing the matter at hand.
Nonetheless, internally, my heart shook, I was emotionally solemn, wrecked and devastated.
Although, I knew this was a topic long time coming ( because of logistics) and I agreed on many levels… I knew I needed to face the TITLE.
Titles have been scary for me, not because we have endured a great deal of pain with Theodore and related it to this particular title…
But the fear developed from….
Other People’s JUDGEMENT!!!
Over SIX months ago we were midst… KNEE DEEP in the Journey of figuring out THEODORE.
We had just just discovered how wonderful and rare he was( although we already knew how special). However, when we discovered the diagnosis we all knew there was still a great deal of digging and discovering that we had yet to do.
As you all know in the midst of this I began writing my blog, it became yet another distraction in recognizing the TITLE of our son.
I knew when I started we all could be objectified to judgement, as it was something I talked about in one of my very first blogs about our situation.
However, I never knew something directed towards my son could hurt me so bad.
During this time we were in Indiana, as many of you know, working with a team of Docotors.
Feeling crazy and ready for a distraction I went where every fashionista goes….TJ Maxx for some pointless strolling and shopping. Also, I needed a new swimsuit for the growing baby bump.
Now the TJ Max isn’t just in any town, it is in my home town. A place where most people know everybody’s business, cousin, uncle brother’s sister…. ya know a “Peyton place”…
You think these places only exists in an old country song or a Kasey Mushraves album.
Do not be fooled, these types of towns do exist. YES, in real life.
In this town you can either be someone’s best friend or someone’s enemy. Ya just sometimes never know what you are, because sometimes they don’t even know.
BUT, in this same very type of town you have the good ones, the real good ones that will fight, support and stick up for you even when you don’t live in that town anymore… and those are some rare gems.
So… basically everybody knows everybody and everybody wants to know everything about everybody’s business. Can be bad and can be good just depends on the situation.
But it also can be hurtful.
Now…. back to Theodore and I’s shopping trip.
While shopping at this particular TJ Max, I recognized one of those people that I was acquainted with growing up. I spoke and smiled thinking the same would occur in return…. IT DID NOT!!
Which it was fine until it wasn’t .
Both of us just happened to be looking through the women’s swimsuits, their child kept wanting to play and touch Theodore. I didn’t mind because Theodore LOVES people and other children….
BUT this other adult did not like this and kept scrambling through the area.
THEN this child tried to TOUCH Theodore (which wasn’t going to bother me, who wouldn’t want to show him some love)…
and this particular person called him SICK….
She told her young child Theodore was SICK…
IT WRECKED MY WORLD!
NO…I didn’t get my boxing gloves out.
I just tried to calmly correct and explain to her that he is/was not SICK (now if you would have met him in his first two months of life, then I would have agreed, but NOW he gets sick like a traditional child… only a little sooner, and faster because of his low tone).
BUT she ran to the checkout….and wouldn’t LISTEN.
She didn’t even have the kindness to apologize or ask REAL questions.
She just threw her judgement out and RAN.
THIS, THIS very instance is why I never think about “Titles”for Theodore. Yes he has a rare chromosome deletion, but I never think too much further…
Because it hurts and truthfully I become extremely emotional.
Yes, I let this person from my home town who claims to be a Christian, owns a company selling Christian based apparel, and speaks about kindness and religion…. affect my life.
I let this person who claims to be a servent of God, judge the child God gave us?
BUT, not anymore!!!!!!! NO SIR…
Theodore is NOT SICK!!!
I am a BILLION percent sure you or your children won’t CATCH his chromosome deletion.
I have come to terms with the TITLE.
YES he is SPECIAL NEEDS and to me this means he needs MORE LOVE!!
It means that we DO NOT want negative people in his life, And we won’t have it!!
It means our lives sometimes will be extra hard, but it also means Theodore will have a great deal of people in his life that truely LOVE him.
He will have a whole army and if this is what SPECIAL NEEDS means then we are ok with it!
We didn’t pray for our child to have special needs but we do pray he is LOVED. Loved a great deal and this is already being accomplished by his team, army, and support group!
I refuse to let this situation bother how I feel about the title, SPECIAL NEEDS .
Like my sister said, and I could not have said it any better…”This meanness just makes us fight harder and burns our fire bigger. Theodore is special and we have always known this and it is not up to other people to judge”.
God knew what he was doing when he gave us Theodore.
We wouldn’t give him back or change him, because he is OUR SPECIAL CHILD.
Theodore will move mountains.
I will, Report to Duty, in fighting for Theodore and standing up for his SPECIAL NEEDS. I will accept this title, and never deny him of it again and show him the pride in these very words. I will fight his battles and teach him strength and courage to fight his own. I will ensure this title doesn’t cause him pain!!
Until Next Time,
Reporting to Duty