A wave can be brisk and surprising or it can be warm, slow and pleasing. It can wisk you away abruptly or it can rotate you in the same pattern over and over.
This exact pattern replicates our daily lives while raising a special needs child.
Emotions are similar and you never know the severity. You can never be sure of the tidal forces. You can never count on a pattern.
Maybe this is why I love the ocean or maybe this is why I hate emotions. Unsure, I try to feel them deep in my heart as I feel the waves through my toes.
Everyday, in our lives, we have to guess the pattern. We have to guess the pattern of Theodore’s emotions, health, mood, abilities and perspective.
We wake up not knowing if it is going to be a good day or a bad day. Many times with Theodore we have tried to chart patterns and expectations but often we guess wrong.
As his mother you would expect that I would know all the goings on in his mind but I don’t. I often pray a flag will be waved to tell me the tide, but I know we have to experience the uncharted waters.
I have felt his heart but I can’t read his mind.
Raising a child with a rare chromosome disorder is unique, hard, fulfilling, gratifying, emotionally wrecking, lonely and sometimes discouraging.
But it is as BEAUTIFUL as watching the waves meet the sand during a sunset. Each day is different and each is as soul wrenching as the next. It can either change your mind or change your life.
So when I compare our life to the ocean it is because to me it all looks the same.
Daily the tide is different and it fluctuates without notice. The weather could be stark and wretched or it could be mild and temperate. No matter what …each day could be different.
With each season we have an idea of what to expect, but we can never count on prior experience. We always have to dip our toes in the water to fully understand what may take place.
Raising Theodore has been the biggest chore God could ever give us. It is hard and soul wrenching but I am THANKFUL he chose us to be Theodore’s parents. I’m thankful we were chosen for the task.
I will continue to, Report to Duty, as his mother, caretaker, bodyguard, nurse and ADVOCATE. Together we will test the water and together we will survive the waves.
Until Next Time,
Mama, Reporting to Duty